Just recently I had my second near death experience when a 5 pound rock the size of a softball crashed through my windshield of my RV while I was driving. The rock went straight through the windshield, crashed into the side of my fridge and then rolled under my desk. When the rock hit, glass sprayed everywhere and I was lucky enough to have been looking down at my phone to check the GPS or else I would have had tiny shards of glass in my eyes.
When Chuck the rock came crashing into my life I was going 60 MPH and luckily nobody was sitting in the passenger seat or else they would have been killed. The second after it happened something even crazier happened…I just kept driving. For another 20 minutes I drove my RV towards my destination. The cold wind blowing through my windshield and glass all over my lap, in my hair and even in my ears. Numb to the fact I was only a couple feet away from being killed instantly I just kept my eyes on the road and kept driving. For those 20 minutes before I reached my destination I could only think of one thing…If that rock hit me all my struggles I have been facing would be over.
April will be 5 years of living in my RV and honestly it seems like it’s only been a year. I have faced the same types of struggles since I hit the road back on April 10th 2008. Whether it’s struggling with self doubt, creativity, motivation, health or financial, I have lost out on some amazing opportunities because I’ve been focusing on whats wrong and not whats right. Only recently have I come to realize that these struggles will never go away till “I” go away. Now stay with me here cause things are about to get realz.
For the last couple of years I have been studying up on meditation, consciousness, mindfulness, the ego and the power of the present moment. I have stopped looking outward for all the answers to my problems and started looking inward. A huge first realization for me has come in the form of understanding that ultimately you are not your mind, your ego, your past or even your body.
Have you ever been sitting alone dwelling upon something and during that moment you become aware that you are dwelling and suddenly, as if you are two people, you realize that you can become aware of your mind. Well this is not an easy task for most people to do since life has become full of distractions but for those who take the time to tune out the outward noise and focus within, clarity and mindfulness come into awareness and the present moment reveals its true colors. Life starts to shine bright because the problems you may face become secondary to the power of the present moment.
With this newfound awareness that my mind has been running the show I take a step back and realize that the past and even the future don’t matter if the present moment gets passed by. Being fully conscious in the present moment opens the door to amazing possibilities. Just tune out the inward chatterbox that is the ego and take the advice from the Beatles and “Let It Be”.
I have an amazing oppurtunity in Road Bandit and even though I haven’t posted anything online in years I have 100′s of unpublished blog postings on my computer, in my phone and up in my mind. I have buried deep all my newfound knowledge and amazing experiences on the road. For many of you it may look as though I’ve failed and have given up but in truth I have never fully given up and never will. I’ve learned so much since first hitting the road and now its time to open up once again and share everything with everyone….just like I’ve always wanted to.
The reasons for not posting for so long can only be explained with the reason that I am constantly critiquing myself to the point of everything I say and do isn’t good enough for the rest of the world. This terrible thinking comes with the fact that I am my own worst enemy and there is no doubt about it. When I realize that overcoming my self-sabotaging ways is the only real obstacle in life…well I can’t help but smile because everything else just got a whole lot easier.
P.S I’ve missed you all, even those I’ve never met or even heard of. You are all amazing and I hope my lengthy absence from the online community hasn’t hampered any chance of hearing all your wonderful feedback and suggestions towards the crazy life I life. I GOTZ LOVE 4 U ALL!