I haven’t posted a blog or shot a road bandit video in quite some time and the main reason behind my lack of production is well embarrassing. I’ve been told not to post the whole truth of why your struggling since in devalues yourself in the eyes of your readers….well screw that cause I’m tired of holding this all in my head. I am struggling to get a hold of my life. I am in a constant state of blah and if I don’t do something soon I am going to lose out on some awesome opportunities in life.
This post sucks to write, it’s very revealing and I have no clue how you the reader will act when your done reading this post but whatever life is short and I’m tall so hit me with your best shot.
When I first hit the road I was living at the highest level of my life…well so far. I was in great shape physically and mentally. I didn’t second guess or struggle to take action with any ideas or projects I had in mind. Now that was over two years ago and since then I have endured some of the loneliest days of my life where I have lost the drive that got me out on the road in the first place. I’ve spent days and weeks alone in my RV and even had to spend Christmas in a business parking lot.
Alright enough hosh posh…this ain’t “The View” you want the facts…here’s the facts. I am in a huge hole in my life. I haven’t been able to cope properly with my best friend John passing away, I’ve lost touch with all my friends from the past who supported and cared about me and now the new people I meet on the road lose interest in hanging out with me when they realize what kind of rut I am in. Nobody likes to hang out with the depressed and unmotivated guy.
I am out of shape. It looks like I’m 3 months prego…seriously I haven’t been this out of shape my whole life and the lack of proper diet and exercise just adds to the shitty state of mind I am consistently in.
I can’t wake up before 11am on my own and if I do wake up before 11am I usually just go back to sleep because I have no drive to get up and start my day. I haven’t had a relationship with a girl in over two years and its really made me feel like there something wrong with me. When I am out in public I have to drink myself stupid to get out of my own head and just relax and enjoy the night and that usually just ends up with me sick in the morning driving the porcelain bus.
I’ve tried many times to get myself out of this funk and at times it works for a week or a month but eventually I falter back to my shitty state of mind where everyone else goes on living life while I sit in my 24ft house on wheels hating it. I sit there lacking the motivation to change it and all along just wondering how in the world am I going to turn this all around.
I don’t want this life anymore…I am not this guy, I know I’m not perfect but I am way better than this. I’ve been in ruts before just like you have and she has and they have. Only problem is my rut has lasted way to long and it seems to be getting stronger and stronger the longer I allow it to.
So what do I do to start moving in the right direction?
I can’t believe I am about to say this but I have weighed out some options and I think the best fit for me right now is some assistance from a life coach of some type. Someone who can help assist in my plans and help me layout a plan to get me going forward again and to make sure I don’t get off track. Friends are great but they have their lives to live as well and they don’t want the job of sitting down and analyzing my daily life.
Now this isn’t for years and years, I just need some help in getting back on my feet again. I know it comes down to me taking the action to change and I’m just hoping there is someone out there who is interested it working with me on a plan. I’ve always invested in myself and bringing someone on to help me work out a plan to get through this rough patch is the best investment for me to make right now.
So the questions now is….who’s up for the challenge?
10 comments
Time to come to Manhattan Beach. You can babysit Boris and Wylie, while I’m at work. :) Watch some UFC, catch a few waves and enjoy the sun.
Sent a lot in an e-mail, but there’s plenty of good advice above. Dax and Bill’s call for introspection (be that religion or philosophy depending on your point of view/thoughts) is very helpful. But Jason’s call for less drinking and better eating is a great, first, you-can-start-tomorrow sort of step, no thinking required.
It’s hard to meet women on the road, especially for a meaningful relationship. That doesn’t make you less lonely, but realizing that will make you feel less like it’s you.
Dealing with death changes from person-to-person. I have lost family members and friends. “Getting over it” is a complete myth. You never “get over it”, the experience is always a part of you, it changes you. Acceptance and peace with what has happened is the only goal.
The bottom line is that what you call being “in a rut” is depression. You can look up plenty on how to lessen it, but a lot of the ideas here are along that track (especially eating better, not drinking, and EXERCISING). When you want to not move is when you need to move most. There are life coaches you can hire. You also might look into setting up someone who can listen to these issues. It’s NOT “weak” to do so either.
We ARE going to rock this world, and you will live to win. :)
Step 1: Quit drinking alcohol. Don’t touch it for 6 months. See how you feel.
Step 2: Quit taking any drugs (prescription included).
Step 3: Quit eating shitty.
Step 4: Get a girlfriend.
Step 5: See step 4.
Step 6: If step 4 or 5 don’t work, get a boyfriend.
You get out what you put in buddy. It’s your choice. At some point you may need to just stop and smell the roses (and the panties) for a while.
Randy, Bro I got your back and I am only a number a way. I have been in so many situations like you have. I lost several friends in the past couple of years. If you need someone to talk to bro give me a call anytime! I would be glad to help assist you getting back that zest and getting some vigor back in your step!
When you’re climbing out of a hole, and you look back at how far you’ve come, you know you’ve learned something about yourself and your experience. It may be the third or fourth time you’ve slid back down the hole, but if you stop on the way out, and appreciate what you learned the first, second, and third time, then the fourth time (and each will be different), or how many times, will be something to cherish. Call it an enlightening, but as long as you give yourself a break to learn from what you’ve been through, then you will know what is best, and you will develop a kind heart for your friends and family who are going through similar difficulties, because everybody takes their own route to get out of the hole, and getting out will happen. I agree with Dax, by the way, but no one can push (and he would agree) that on you, or anyone. You have to call on Jesus and ask Him yourself if He is who He claims He is, and can He do what He claims He can do. He specializes in one-on-one’s, whether that be now or years from now. In the mean time, trust in the fact that life is a journey not always of our choosing. Like Val Kilmer said as the character Doc Holliday in “Tombstone”, “There’s no normal life, just life”. There’s an enormous peace in that statement, and fertile ground to live and learn. Peace.
-Bill
Gonna send you a p.m.
@ Zach – Thanks Zach I miss Lake Stevens and I am burned out but at the same time I dont think I am ready to go back to Lake Town when I got soooo many places around the country I haven’t seen yet.
@ Jen – Thanks Jen I definitely need to find my mo-jo again and this post is hopefully the first step in getting it back
@ Dax – Dax man I appreciate the words of wisdom and know you have been in the same situation before and I just want to thank you again for all the help and guidance you have given me so far. I love the Nike saying and need to put that saying on the ceiling in my RV so I am staring at it every morning when I awake.
Yo man! You’re not in a good place my friend. I’m always super blunt, but what I’m about ready to say is from the heart. You have a choice EVERYDAY to accept what comes your way in life or do something about it. It’s hard to keep going when everything is coming at you in a wrong way. I don’t want to preach to you, but I have tooooo. When I was at the lowest low in my life and had no one, I turned to the only one who could help me, Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour. No matter what, all you have to do is ask for him and have faith in him and he will be there for you. Now don’t take that the wrong way. He is not going to make you money, fix your rig, provide nice shiny things for you, but he will guide you out of your deal if you let him. Take him in your heart and listen.
Now for my infamous quote: Trying… is setting yourself up for Failure… be like Nike and Just Do It!
Get off that sad lil pony and buck up! Stand up! Walk with swagger… you’re Randy Primm! Ain’t nuttin gonna hold you back except YOU.
Your buddy,
-Dax
It will be ok. Going through a loss is a tough thing to deal with on your own. Everyone grieves in their own way. In the process it seems like gaining weight and being down go hand in hand. The same with sleep. It may feel like there just isnt a reason to get up. But it does get better.
Opening your feelings is a great way to heal. The support and love from people who have been where you are today can be just what you need to find your mojo again.
I cant say when its going to be better but I do however know, eventually it will be.
well u should just come home up in lake stevens area and just chill and relax and hang out with friends. ur just burned out thats all. its worth coming home and recharge those batt again and spark some more ideas.